This could be slightly rambling and incoherent, if you're not in my head, that is. If you are in my head right now then you are currently sharing space with Jon Bon Jovi who is singing nice and loud and making me happy! Enjoy!
So...my OCD may or may not be common knowledge to anybody who might read this. While I don't need to wash my hands 83 times a day or turn around three times before I open the door with specifically my right hand, it can still be exceedingly, mind-numbingly stupid sometimes! And of course it can't make sense or conform to any sort of logic, because well, THAT would just be silly wouldn't it?!
As Mr. Bon Jovi screams loudly that he would die for me or even cry for me in my ears, it occurs to me that the very beginnings of this OCD may have started for me back when these songs came out. Some of you know about my electric blue workout leotard, oh YES I did (!!), from when I was a teenager. This was at the same time that my I developed my propensity for feeling like I needed to workout after everything I ate. Coincidentally, I would work out then, just as I do now, to Bon Jovi blaring. It is my opinion, (which means nothing really) that OCD can lay dormant for periods of time. There was nothing that seemed too alarming back then about my new habit even though to this day I distinctly remember eating a chocolate chip cookie and then going to put on that silly leotard to work out for 20 minutes. Other than that, I don't recall anything unusual. I don't think my germ phobia developed until years later. I didn't line up my peas before I ate them. That's mainly because I hate peas though!
Sometimes I think that I use my OCD as a punishment though. Not that I believe I've done anything that I particularly need to be punished for, but I am stupidly hard on myself. I have standards that are hard to maintain but I am of the belief that if I expect it of others, then I must maintain it myself! Yeah Laura, don't slip up or that will be a half hour on the treadmill for you!
Here is an example of how I like to metaphorically flog myself ((eyeroll)). I sure hope you can hear me reading this, because there is a very healthy dose of sarcasm with all this! O.k., first, you must know that I am not naturally a runner. Not by a long shot. I work myself up to it. That being said, I don't run for speed or distance, only time. For example, today you will get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I always, always give myself an out at ten minutes. For whatever reason the first 10 minutes of any workout of the worst! So based on the idea that you can break up workouts into 10 minute sessions I always tell myself to just do those 10 minutes and then if I just cannot stand another minute then I can stop. Ummm, do I ever actually do it? NOPE! Why? Because I like torture myself. Apparently! It's always, "just go 2 more minutes. Go 30 more seconds! Hell, just go 10 more minutes and then Laura, I promise you can stop!" I lie to myself a lot! ((eyeroll)) Do I stop after the 2? SMH! After the additional 30 seconds? SMH! The 10 more minutes? SMH! Nope! Because for some reason, I feel like I have to tough it out. If that's not stupid enough, I've got something really good for you now! IF, I do ever reach such a period of time that is satisfactory to my OCD brain, and I haven't reached a nice round number distance, then I make myself go a little further. You know, just to round things out. But THEN, if I reach such a period of time and then go the distance to round out the number and my "alleged" calorie count is not at a nice round number also, I feel the need to go a little further to round out the "alleged" calorie count. Well, you can see where this is going. By that time, my time is not at a round number and neither is my distance. I will usually compromise by saying, "O.K. you freaking maniac, just do 5 FREAKING MORE MINUTES and distance and "alleged" calorie count" be damned! There are you happy now Laura?! Are you? ARE YOU?!" hahahahahaha
The good news is who doesn't feel amazing after a great workout?! But I tell you, I get on my own nerves! And inevitably this will make me have to listen to "Wanted: Dead or Alive", a song that I don't exactly like. But poor Jon, he's sung everything else he can think of, what else can he do?
Whew! Now that I have cooled off from my latest torture session and gotten all of that off my chest, I probably need to go find a counter to clean....wiping each section 3 times in clockwise motion ONLY! HA! I'm kidding! ;)